This Is How I Feel

This is how he makes me feel! I love him!

2 Days In A Row!

I just wanted to share photos from the wonderful Friday night we had.

I am *SO* in love....

Yes, I know, I am a bad, bad blogger!

I love him! I just love him. And he finally knows! I don't say it to him, although I wish he were listening when I hang up the phone every night. I don't go all sappy and make him uncomfortable. But I am there, I listen, I talk, I look him in the eyes, I love him. More than any one I have ever cared about in that way. Had I known years ago that this is what true love feels like, I would never have married Glen. I have never felt like this before. It is the most amazing and wonderful feeling in the world. To walk past his desk at work and have him smile, to stand outside at lunch talking to him, to hear my phone ring and it be his "special" tone, my heart just jumps and bounces everywhere. He makes me feel special. I know he care, would almost swear he loves me as well, but he is still so scared to open up and let me all the way in. My goal is to be there by Christmas. He finally met mom. It was awesome. That was his idea, I had been asking him to meet her for months. He said, "Well I guess it is time she puts a face with the name" and I said true. She LOVED him. My mother actually liked him! That is saying alot, she NEVER likes anyone that I have dated. EVER! They talked and laughed, and she would throw her head back and put her hand on his arm. I am so blessed! While talking to mom, he happened to look over at the counter and see my cute little dry erase board that I had so lovingly written "I Love Jason" on. Well he picked it up, looked at it, turned it to me, looked at it again, and I ran like a chicken! Bye Mom! We have to go now! Ugh! I thought, this is it, it is over before it really began, but I have enjoyed the ride. He didn't say anything about it until we got to the restraunt. While walking to the door, he says, "So you love me" and I decided I might as well get it over with, let him know exactly how I feel and not put it off any longer. So I tell him "Yes, I do" and he says "I am not lovable" and I told him that is his opinion. He didn't mention it again until later that night. We went to a local lake and drove around for a while talking. He asked me why I love him and what is it about him that I like so much. So I told him. I didn't let him get a word in edgewise. I just kept telling him everything. His eyes, his smile, his outlook on life, the way he treats my kids, the way he makes me feel, his honesty, the way he is all about his family, his loyalty. He just sat there and listened to it all. And when I was finished, he put his hand on my leg while I was driving. I won't go into details about what happened after that, but let's just say it was amazing and he is the one who started it and finished it. He is so amazing. I want to be his so bad. I hope that he loves me even half as much as I love him. I want to marry this man, and I swore I'd never want to marry anyone again. I want to be with him for the rest of my life, I want to grow old with him. I want to have his children. Send me lots of good love vibes and keep us in your thoughts!

Photo Of My Sweetie

Just thought I'd share with you. This is who is making me happy! We were at Buffalo Wild Wings with some friends a couple of weeks ago. One of our good nights. What do you think?

CherishDo It To It (Feat. Sean Paul Of The YoungBloodZ)

Music Video Codes By Music Jesus.com

Not So Lonely Lately!

So things are going really well with Jason now. He seems to be letting me in a little bit more each day. I have spent 4 of the last 5 nights together with him. These nights have been lasting a long time. I am worn out from the lack of sleep. But it is *SO* worth the lack of sleep to spend time with him. I am hoping that by September we are finally *coming out* as a couple. We spend a lot of time together talking and driving around. We watch a lot of movies. He is looking into buying a house and Friday night when he invited me over he had all these papers for me to look at. He actually asked me which ones I liked and kept them separate from the others. That counts for something, right? I mean that does mean he values my opinion or something like that. Ok, so maybe that is all in my head, but I can think what I want since it is my pea brain. Saturday night he called and had me come over again and we took off at 3am to go look at 2 of them he was interested in. They were both nice, and he was telling me all of these plans he would have with either one of them. That means something to me too. Hopefully that means he is thinking of some type of future with me, he did pick out houses with 3 and 4 bedrooms, and they have fenced in backyards. That is good for the boys. He has been asking when the kids are coming home and that just makes me happy. He does like them and they love him. So I just wanted to update how happy I have been lately. Feeling very optimistic about this. Hope all is well with my peeps!!

Sometimes Lonely Nites

Men! Do they all want to have their cake and eat it too? I am still so confused about this whole Jason situation. I can't figure it out. We have the best time when we are out and lately we have had some amazing talks, but I need more than this. I need to have some type of commitment. There is no commitment at all, we are more like friends with benefits. A little deeper than that, but still about the same. We both know what we want, and most things are the same, but with him just getting out of his relationship with *her* about 4 months ago he is not ready for a relationship. I know this, and I have told him I can wait, but the waiting is killing me. How long does it take? She really did a number on him. He isn't quite so sure of himself now and he thinks every woman is out to hurt him. He told me last weekend that he is afraid of another relationship and I told him not everyone wants to hurt him. So for that one I got a "Yeah well I've heard that before". So yes, we have all heard it before and we all get hurt anyway, but I have never done anything to hurt him, not in 3 years and I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt him. At least not on purpose. I am *SO* into him. The more time I spend with him and the more we talk and do things the more I care about him and the more I want to be with him. I could see myself married to him. Not in the near future, but I could see it in the distant future. I hope he feels the same way and can see the same things. He is not going to find someone who will treat him the way I do and the way I always would. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I have a few more weeks with no kiddos to convince him of this.

I hope you are all having a wonderful summer! I have missed talking to you all! I have been busy with work and this whole *non*relationship thing that I haven't had time to really pop in on the boards lately. I hope to be able to post more at the cottage really soon! I love you all!

Long Days and Lonely Nights

So I don't really know what is up with Jason. He is so flipping confusing. One day he is fine and we are great then he is all moody and acting like he has PMS. Argh! Men! I am taking the kids back to mom tomorrow morning. I will be glad to have more time to work on the house again. I need to pack so much stuff away and take it to the attic and basement. I am hoping to get to see Jason tomorrow nite but if I don't then oh well. I am getting tired of little kid games. I am not in high school anymore. We are both in our 30's and it is time to act like it. Give me some advice!!

Update For My Friend, Miss Dora...

SO here is the lowdown my friend... My kids are supposed to be coming home today, but I can't get hold of mom, her phone has been busy since last nite around 7ish. So I have no idea what I am supposed to do about that. I have been working overtime at work this week, haven't hardly gotten to do anything with Jason, sniff sniff. I did see him Thursday nite at BW3 but only for a little bit. I have been trying to get the kids rooms finished, getting ready to go paint Blake's as soon as I post this for you honey. I worked 50 hours this week. I am dead tired, I have to be honest and say I wish the kids would be with mom again this week too, I am enjoying getting things finished around the house and working on a relationship with Jason. We had "the talk" last weekend, but I'll have to tell you that one on the phone, too long to post here! Kyle is drinking again and left Granny's house yesterday morning on foot and noone has heard from him since. It is my fault he got alcohol this time. I took a nap while he was here and evidently he stole my car long enough to hit the liquor store. Sighs. So there is my life in a nutshell right now. I'll call you later today or tomorrow!

Just For Fun

You Are a Black and White Cookie

You're often conflicted in life, and you feel pulled in two opposite directions. When you're good, you're sweet as sugar. And when you're bad, you're wicked!

What Kind of Cookie Are You?

Your Summer Ride is a Jeep

For you, summer is all about having no responsibilities. You prefer to hang with old friends - and make some new ones.

What's Your Summer Ride?

Your Mind is NC-17 Rated

You're mind is so filthy... you should should be washing every part of you out with soap. If your thoughts can go dirty, they do. Almost everything is NC-17 to you!

Do You Have a Dirty Mind?

Your Love Song Is

Wonderwall by Oasis "I'm sure you've heard it all before But you never really had a doubt I don't believe that anybody feels The way I do about you now" You know what you want - but does that person want you?

What Love Song Are You?

What People Think of Your Mouth

People see you as both demanding and irresistible. You are often the center of attention - and that's how you like it. You are up for anything and very energetic. People sometimes propose wild ideas to you. And who knows? Maybe you'll take them up on it. You are known to be a little freaky!

What Does Your Mouth Say About You?

Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

No Kids = Mommy Having Adult Fun

So I took Blake back to mom's again Friday night. I stayed all night there and came back yesterday evening. I hate that drive. 5 hours each way in a car is NOT a fun trip to do 2 weekends in a row. It wears me out. But I was not about to let being tired keep me down last night! I went out with some friends. Had a pretty good time, I stayed sober *shocking* since I had no kids to come home to. I ended up driving and my friend took off with some friends we work with so I went home, got a call from Jason and went to his house at 4am. 4AM!! Yes, I am totally falling in love with this man. I would go out at anytime of the day or night to spend even the smallest amount of time with him. He is just so perfect for me! He is cute as a button, sweet, straight forward and tells it like it is, which I TOTALLY need to have done... He has the most beautiful blue eyes and this amazing smile that just makes me melt when I see it. And he does this *thing* with his left eyebrow that makes me want him even more. I just can't do it with my eyebrow, and I know it sounds stupid, most people can raise one eyebrow and no big deal, but when he does it, it just does things to me, haha! I wish I knew how he really feels about me. I am so scared that I am going to get hurt. I can see it happening, and he is the first person I have let myself really care about, the first person I have even wanted to care about since my divorce. He is so amazing with my kids and they both love him. He would be an amazing father for them. I know he wants to have kids of his own, which I would love to do in a heartbeat, and we have discussed the things we want to do *when we grow up* already. He has just never said what exactly it is that he thinks of us or wants for us. I wish he would give me some type of clue. My biological clock is ticking! I am 32, and I would like to have 2 more kids before I am 40. I think he is going to come over tonight, so maybe I will get some type of clue then. If you are reading this, please send some good lovin' vibes my way! I need them. I have been sending up lots of prayers for this and I have been wanting him for so long now! These past 8 months have been amazing, not exactly dating, but spending a lot of time together getting to know him and his likes/dislikes... I amgoing to fall and it is going to be a hard fall. I want this relationship *SO* bad! I need him. I can make him happy and he makes me happy, and that IS what it is all about, right? Keep us in your thoughts!